How to Stop Buying Gifts for Extended Family?

The holiday season often means feeling obligated to buy gifts for a wide range of extended family members and distant relatives. As the list grows longer each year, so does the financial and emotional strain of finding and purchasing all those gifts.

Define Your Inner Circle

First, determine who falls into your inner circle of gift recipients. This likely includes:

• Immediate family (spouse, children, parents)
• Very close friends

Make the conscious decision to reserve gifts just for those inner circle members.

Set Gift Giving Boundaries

Be upfront with extended family that you intend to set some boundaries around gift giving this year. Consider saying something like:

“With the growing family, we are paring down our gift list and focusing on the kids. We hope to still celebrate together, but won’t be doing gifts beyond our immediate family.”

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Offer alternative gestures instead, like bringing food to share at a gathering or sending a thoughtful card. Small acts of kindness show you still care.

Suggest Gift Exchanges

Propose doing Secret Santa style exchanges where everyone only purchases one gift within a spending limit. White elephant parties can also circumvent the need to get something for everyone.

Alternatively, recommend completely foregoing any sort of gift exchange altogether, especially among adult relatives where presents aren’t really necessary.

Propose No-Gift Celebrations

For your extended family, propose no-gift celebrations focused simply on cherished time together. Potlucks work wonderfully to bring people together around food. Supplement with fun activities and games too.

The goal is to stop equating holiday celebrations with gifts, but rather with quality time as an expression of fondness for one another.

Contribute to Charities

Suggest making donations to charities in the name of your extended family members. Send notification cards indicating a contribution made in their honor as an alternative gesture of giving.

Take the initiative to start a family charity fund where everyone contributes what they would have spent on gifts. Then donate those pooled dollars to a worthy cause. This becomes a meaningful gift you “give” together.

Conclusion

The combination of setting firm gift giving boundaries, replacing presents with presence, and redirecting efforts to charitable acts can help relieve the burden many feel around extended family during the holidays.

Embrace gathering in celebration of relationships rather than exchanging superfluous presents. Find new ways to show you care through small acts of kindness and quality time shared. When thoughtfully approached, stopping gifts for extended family may be welcomed by all.

FAQs

What if my family is upset about me not buying gifts?
Reinforce this is not meant as a personal affront, but a necessary budgetary decision. Offer alternatives like your time, food for gatherings, and charitable contributions made in their name.

Am I being selfish?
You are not selfish, but setting healthy boundaries around your time and finances. Be compassionate but firm in your stance. Enforce with love, not guilt.

What do I say if asked what to get the kids?
Thank them for wanting to gift the kids, but respectfully decline any presents. If they insist, then provide a small list of acceptable items under $X budget.

Is it still nice to send holiday cards?
Absolutely! Holiday cards are still a great way to maintain connection. Consider sending Christmas letters detailing your family’s year. Make them heartfelt.

What are fun no-gift party ideas?
Cookie exchanges, ornament crafting, caroling, games, puzzles, potlucks, volunteering together…get creative on ways to spend quality time!